What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
