I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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