If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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