I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I enjoy the company of your penis
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