She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize