he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
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if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
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Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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