I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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