So drunk, too bad you don't want this
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
