don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
