onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
