Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
