Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
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I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
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Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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