I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
