Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
