its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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