Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
