you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
