he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Randomize
