Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dicks are not precious.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
