For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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