3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
