What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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