Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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