my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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