i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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