very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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