So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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