I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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