just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
sarcasm needs its own font
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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