A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dicks are not precious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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