I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
