he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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