I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
