I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
birth control should be required to get into college
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
