you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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