sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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