This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
