just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
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