Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
