Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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