At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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