Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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