We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
