I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
