Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
