Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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