He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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