At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
