She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
