I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
