Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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