Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize