youre lurking in front of me
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
