We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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