I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
