I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
