Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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