Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
