I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
