The best revenge is premature balding
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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