Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Randomize
