Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
