dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
