I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize