dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
