im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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